Jesus and I were walking along the
beach, with a large, faded blue mountain in the distance. To my right
was the ocean, and to my left was some tall, weedy grass.
I knew we were headed toward that faded
blue mountain, but because it was so far away, I grasped for what to
do in the meantime. I found myself instinctively scanning my
immediate surroundings for things that were out of place. I told
Jesus, “I know I'm called to go to that mountain up ahead, but it
is so far in the distance I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing
right now.” I hesitated, then asked Him, “What do You want me to
do now? Is there something you want me to do or learn? What's my
immediate purpose?” Jesus looked at me briefly and then set His
gaze forward. He remained silent and continued walking beside me.
An accusing voice whispered into my
ear, “You haven't been walking right. You need to learn how to walk
straight before He'll tell you your purpose.”
With the voice came a surge of guilt
that shocked me into a panic. So I began to focus on walking on the
sand, without straying into the water on my right or the weedy grass
on my left, making sure to avoid any rocks or shells or other
hindrances that crossed my path. I introspected and reflected on
every aspect of my walk that I could, but it escaped me what I was
doing wrong. So I asked Jesus, “What am I doing wrong?” But
again, Jesus remained silent.
Feeling frustrated, I began to notice
others around us who were stationed along the beach, undergoing
various noble missions, like pulling weeds, or saving the starfish.
Others blazed across the beach with deep conviction and purpose,
honing in on such targets as injured seagulls or hazardous piles of
driftwood. I said to Jesus, “Look at all the people you have sent
to do these important and noble deeds. What do you want me to
do, Jesus? I want to be used by you. Don't forget me!” Jesus turned
to me and said gently, “You can do whatever you wish. I leave it up
to you.”
As I pondered Jesus' statement, the
accusing voice visited me once again. “It is because you are not as
significant as the others that He does not give you a mission. They
are destined to do great things. You are not. That mountain in the
distance – the one you think you are headed toward – well,
actually, it is all a fantasy. Look at all the others like you who
are doing something meaningful with their lives! But now look at you.
What are you doing besides walking aimlessly, chasing after a
fantasy? And after all, you have a track record of failure. You are
fooling yourself to think that you will do anything significant in
His eyes.”
My heart sank as I imagined the
implications of the accuser's words. I still believed that I was
headed toward that mountain in the distance, but I began to wonder if
what the accuser said was at least partially true. Perhaps I was
really fooling myself. Maybe my observation of the apparent success
of others had caused me to fantasize that I was destined for
success. And perhaps the very desire for success was selfish. After
all, I should humble myself and be content with whatever situation He
decides to give me. Perhaps the big dreams that soared in my heart
were a symptom of my powerlessness and pride. – [Sigh] – How
could it be?
I felt shame rise up within me. Then my
shame turned to fear. How could I live knowing that my life wouldn't
count for anything? Then my fear turned to anger. How could God set
me up for this kind of disappointment?
But, instantly, the scene transformed
before me. It was as if I had been given glasses, not knowing my
vision had been blurry before.
I saw crowds of people coming to Jesus,
asking for directions. With grace, Jesus gave instructions to each
person. Then as quickly as the crowds had come, the crowds hurried
away. Jesus watched as the people went to their tasks, with various
levels of diligence. The people carried walkie-talkies with them by
which they gave Jesus status reports and asked for help. When the
tasks were completed, the crowds returned, asking for the next set of
directions.
Jesus looked at me, and with
penetrating eyes said, “I have many servants. But where are my
friends?”
I felt the depth of His desire to be
known and loved. It penetrated my soul, and tears began to roll down
my cheek.
Then Jesus' gaze went out ahead of
where we were standing, and He pointed to some people nearby. “See
those people?” He asked me. “They know my heart, and they are
content to walk and talk with Me as we journey together down this
beach. If they see something that's out of place, it is their nature
to fix it because they take after Me. But they are most happy just to
be with Me. See? They are already returning.”
Suddenly I understood. I understood
what I had been doing and why Jesus hadn't been answering my
incessant questions. I was asking for my next set of tasks, just like
a faithful servant. But Jesus wanted me to be His friend.
I already knew that Jesus wanted to be
my friend. In fact, I listened to Him very well and learned all sorts
of things as I spent time with Him. I would share my thoughts with
Him and enjoy being with Him every day. But my core orientation had
not yet shifted, and my heart's driving desire was still to serve.
Without a way to serve, I felt that I had no way to show my love for
Him. My songs of worship seemed empty without acts of service. How
could I love Him without doing something for Him? Now I finally
started to see.
Jesus again turned to me and said,
reassuringly, “You are already my friend. You know my heart. And
you walk with Me. You know your identity, and you know I am
well-pleased with you. Now I want you to completely let go of the
idea that you need to do something – anything – to show Me your
love or to gain My favor.
“I want you to be in my inner circle.
There are many deep things that the Father wants to reveal to you
that can only be told in secret. I want to reveal them to you, but
the secret things are only for those who will come away with Me. For
it is only then that they can understand and receive what I will give
them.
“Don't be concerned about your
purpose and calling. For you were called before the foundation of the
world to do great works, and indeed, you will do even greater works
than these if you will only believe Me. Do not doubt the dreams that
soar in your heart, for I have put them there. If you try too
hard – if you flap your wings vigorously in pursuit of your destiny
– you will find your energy exhausted, and you will become
discouraged. Keep your wings taut, and trust that I will provide the
wind to carry you where you are going. As you soar – in that place
of rest – you will find My company. And it is there, in My timeless
presence, that you will accelerate into your destiny with
unimaginable swiftness. You are called to greatness. But let Me be
your focus. For it is then that the rest will fall into place.”
As I pondered what Jesus had said, I
looked before me and saw that the faded blue mountain had come much
closer. Where had the time gone? From our progress, it looked as
though we had traveled for days; yet it felt as if I had walked by
Jesus for just a few minutes. My faith and joy returned. I realized
that the Person walking beside me was the best friend I could ever
imagine having. And now I hoped that we wouldn't reach that far-off
mountain too quickly.
THE END.
Copyright 2014 Rachel M. Rasmussen
Use by permission only
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